come on up...

i actually said these words to our pastor in front of the whole church today...yes i really did. and yes, it sounded as dumb and as "price is right" as it looks written down in title of this post. it was not one of my finer moments in public speaking. you see, i was supposed to do the greeting/announcements this morning. no big deal. piece of cake. i don't mind speaking in front of people. usually don't feel very nervous or intimidated. but, this morning, i just froze and dropped the ball...in front of the whole church. first the mic wasn't on right away..then i stood in the wrong place...then i started sweating...then i realized i had a massive headache...then the lights seemed so bright...then i said "come on up" to our pastor right before he was to come and deliver the message. yeah, not good :( i've been praying for the Lord to free me from my pride, help me not to fear failure, look to Him for all i need in this life and not to myself. i forgot to ask Him this morning to help me with the announcements. well, i was certainly humbled and i have this feeling i'm not going to be at the top of the list of people to ask to do the announcements again :) but, if i'm asked, i'm pretty sure i can't do much worse and i think i'll remember to pray that even in the very small things (such as announcements) that He'll speak through me...then maybe i won't say "come on up" to my pastor again!!

thank you, deeper still and happy 4th!

the only pic we took the whole weekend...outside the fox
whitney, staci, peggy and me

kyle, miranda and the girls

my sweet caroline

my sassy susanna

not enjoying the start to the fireworks show

big sis trying to help her out

safe and sound in mommy's arms

my girls

the love of my life and the products of that love :)

about 4 hours past bedtime

first of all, thank you to my sweet, sweet husband for his beautiful post on our anniversary, june 24. it was not deserved, but blessed my heart and soul. i am so lucky to have john as my husband. he makes me out to be something FAR greater than i am...

2 weekends ago i had the privilege of going to the "deeper still" conference in atlanta with 3 other girls from church. what an amazing blessing! i so enjoyed hearing priscilla shirer, kay arthur and beth moore. there are no words to describe how the Lord moved. the one thing i know He was teaching me was to devour and love His word. at one point, kay arthur had us hug and kiss our Bible and it moved me to tears. it truly is life to my soul. i also had a blast with the girls and enjoyed our girl time together. we stayed at the georgian terrace and even managed to catch the musical "oklahoma" at the fox on sat night after the conference was over. so much fun!!!

we had a wonderful july 4th last weekend...we went out to patriot's point in mt.pleaseant with our friends miranda and kyle horton for the fireworks. there were a million people there, but it was so fun. caroline LOVES fireworks! susanna was not happy when they first started, but warmed up to them quickly after snuggling with mommy. enjoy the pics above :)

celebrating susanna in charleston

what in the world is this?

she had a "small" audience ready to help

her first taste

this might require 2 hands

a little help from sissy

this is exhausting people

she LOVED all the balloons!

so did caroline!

trying desperately to get the b'day girl to smile

this is as good as we got

we had some of our good friends here in charleston over to our house the night of susanna's b'day for dinner, cake and ice cream. it was so fun celebrating the b'day girl and her first year of life. she had no clue what was going on, but that's okay. first b'days are for the mommy anyway!!

happy 1st b'day susanna!!!

one day old

exactly 1 year old

cannot believe this year is over...as of 9:16am, my baby is a year old. what an amazing 12 months it has been getting to know this precious little girl. she has brought us more joy than i could have ever imagined. i was so worried before she came that i could not love another child as much as i love caroline. it is such an example of God's power in how He gives us the capacity to love each of our children so deeply, but very much equally. from the moment i laid eyes on susanna, it was l-o-v-e!! you are a blessing and a gift to us, sweet girl, and we cannot imagine life without you. here are a few things i always want to remember about you as you turn one today!!

*you have 7 teeth - 4 on top and 3 on bottom
*you can stand up without help and are taking steps while holding our hands, but not walking all on your own yet
*you are understanding so much of what we say now and respond - you give hugs and kisses when we ask (if you feel like it), which i love!!
*you are finally signing some - mostly "all done", "more" and just now understanding "please"
*you still completely worship your big sister and she adores you - i'm praying the Lord makes you the best of friends always
*you love to give hugs and lay your head on your buddy/boyfriend joshua - he's not that into you yet :)
*you have no problem being left with a babysitter or the nursery at church - we haven't ever been called out of a service to come get you
*you have always had such a sweet, laidback personality, but there is definitely a feisty, mischevious side, too - john and i think you may give us a run for our $ in the future
*you are right on track size wise and are wearing 6-12 mos clothes
*you LOVE table food and have been off of baby food for almost 2 months now
*you love sippy cups
*you love taking baths...you take off crawling when you hear the water turn on; you love playing with big sis in the tub most of all
*you are not a big fan of the carseat and you let me know about it - i'm hoping this changes when we switch you out of the infant seat
*you take 2 naps a day - one morning and one afternoon
*you still are taking 4 bottles/day (that will end soon)
*you are such a snuggler and love to lay your head on our shoulder with your arms straight down by your body, the "penguin" position
*you can say "mama" and "dada", but most of the time you say "da" as long and as loud as you can
*you love to squeal - that starts early with girls :)
*you smile and grin all the time to everyone
*you hate being confined and want to be on the go all the time
*you love getting into anything and everything - especially any open fridge, potty or trash can available :(
*you love playing with toys and will sit in the playroom forever playing by yourself - your favs are the kitchen, caroline's dollhouse and all her baby dolls
*you love playing on sissy's bed at naptime and bedtime while we read books
*we call you "the destroyer" b/c you are strong and usually leave a mess behind wherever you go
*you love to drink out of straws or water bottles - you have no idea how messy that can be
*you love the ocean and would crawl right into it and drown if we weren't watching
*you are no fun at the pool b/c you are not a fan of floats and you can't swim yet :)
*you still love your taggie blankie and grin and snuggle into it at naptime and bedtime
*you have the best big sister in the world
*you are loved, treasure and adored by mommy, daddy and caroline

you are an amazing gift from the Lord and we are so thankful for your life. we pray that you will know, love and serve Him passionately all the days of your life. we will always be here for you no matter what! happy first birthday, baby girl!

susanna's birth story

i started this post on august 24 of last year. it's taken me a while to finish :) i wanted to get it all down before i forgot and thought it was fitting to post today, the day before my baby's first b'day!! this is long and very detailed simply for posterity's sake so it's probably very boring to anyone else but myself :)

saturday, july 7 we went to the water park with caroline and our friends mandi and rafe. i figured this would be the last trip there for the summer and i was right. we had a wonderful evening and went to bed at a decent time so we could get lots of stuff done after church on sunday. well, i woke up a little before 1am needing to go potty. i didn't feel any contractions, pressure or anything to make me think it was "time". i went to the bathroom and then kept leaking...my first thought, was "no, not yet...i'm not ready...i have stuff i want to get done today!!". after making sure it was my water breaking, i called out to john. it took several tries before he heard me, but when i told him my water broke, he was shocked for a second and then went into go mode. i wasn't feeling any contractions so i figured i had time to shower and pack. i had laid out a bunch of clean clothes and stuff for the hospital, but had not put it in my bag. i know, i'm an idiot...who doesn't pack before their due date? me, i guess! it's amazing how much more relaxed you are the second time around. john called his parents, i called mine and my sister and then we called our friend leigh anne who had graciously offered to keep caroline for us until the grandparents arrived. i continued to "leak" (for lack of a better description) as i got ready, but no contractions. i showered, dried my hair, put on my makeup and got my stuff together. in the meantime, leigh anne arrived and john got impatient :) i could hear him stomping around the house getting stuff together. i knew he was annoyed that i was so slow, but he wasn't about to say anything. we finally got everything together, took some pixs on the way out the door and headed to the hospital downtown. by this time, it was a little before 3am. we were amazed how many people were out and about on the roads. what do people do at that time of the morning? never mind, don't answer that :) john and i were both a little giddy...it's strange to make small talk with your spouse when you're about to welcome your child into the world. i started to feel pressure as we got closer to the hospital. it seemed like the contractions were 8-10 minutes apart. we called our parents to check in and both were well on their way to charleston. we pulled into the deserted parking garage, got our luggage out and headed to labor and delivery. we walked to the front desk around 3:15am and they were not expecting us...i said, "i'm lauren and i'm in labor" and she just looked at me. the message service people were supposed to call and let the hospital know, but they didn't. no big deal b/c i was the only one there in labor. talk about undivided attention! i immediately loved the nurse who took us in the delivery room and got us settled in. john gave them the lowdown on my addison's disease and they went right to work figuring out the stress doses of steroids i needed. john was so awesome taking care of me and making sure all of that got done. obviously having those was critical. i found out later that was the source of his impatience with me at the house...he was worried about getting those steroids in my body before labor began to stress me physically and emotionally. makes sense :) another nurse named mica came in and said she would be the one with me until 7am and i loved her, too. turns out she lived right down the road from us in a different neighborhood. we talked and chatted and had a great time. she was excited we didn't know what were having. she finally checked me and i was around 3cm dilated. the contractions were not bad so no epidural yet. i really wanted to see how far i could go without one. they determined how much of my steroids i needed and gave me that, which then slowed down my labor. it was so relaxing this time around...john and i hung out, he slept some, i played on the computer and tried to rest for the next 2 hours or so. the contractions continued to get stronger. it was so quiet in the hospital. loved that! i got checked again around 5:00am and i was about 4 cm. still didn't want an epidural. the next couple of hours went by fast and then my nurse went off shift and another one came in who i ended up loving just as much! the dr came in around 7:30am and told me she was so surprised i had not asked for an epidural yet and really thought i should get one. what does a girl have to do to try and go natural??? actually, the dr was just worried about my body being able to compensate for the stress of a natural birth and she wanted me to be very careful. she had them start me on pitocin, which REALLY sped up and intensified the contractions. there was barely time to catch my breath between them. so, around 8:15am, the anesthesiologist came in to give me an epidural. but, after looking at how low my blood pressure was, he said he only wanted to give me a little bit of pain relief b/c he wasn't comfortable with what could happen if our blood pressure (me and baby) bottomed out. let me tell you, he barely gave me anything b/c i felt it all!! about 8:45am, i knew this baby was coming soon!!! the dr and nurse got ready and after 2 contractions and pushing, miss susanna kristen fortney entered the world at 9:16am! it was amazingly quick and easy. we just laughed and cried when we saw it was another sweet girl. john said right before she came out that he knew it was a girl. the dr laid her on my tummy and i will never forget how incredibly warm she was, like a little heater. it was such an awesome moment looking at her for the first time. love at first sight! she was so chunky and pink. the nurses kept saying the baby would be small b/c i was "all baby", but i knew better...my guess was upper 7lb range if not an 8lber. i was right!! she weighed in at 7lbs, 10z and was 20 3/4 inches long. i was so proud when they weighed her :)

john and i just cried tears of joy and smiled like crazy while the dr and nurses did all the medical stuff that has to be done after birth. no details necessary on that :) we were so full of joy and couldn't wait to introduce caroline and our parents to susanna. caroline was first up and the nurse was sweet enough to video her (and us) as she met her sister. it was so sweet. she was quiet and in awe of susanna. it was such a tender, magical moment as our little family came together for the first time. we then let the anxious grandparents in and introduced her. my sis was extremely disappointed not being able to be there so mom had her on the phone as we announced it and then i got to talk to her about her namesake. after lots of pics, the nurse came in to take susanna away for her bath. the family filed out and i rested until they brought her back all bundled up and asleep. i will never forget staring at her as i enjoyed a few moments with just the 2 of us. i remember especially noticing her dark eyebrows. a while later, they moved us to our room and by that time, david and connie and their kids were there to meet susanna. our tiny room was packed full of family and it was awesome!! i loved every minute of our stay at the hospital.

another b'day post to come tomorrow...more pics from her arrival last year can be found here and here.

Mercy and Grace

Mercy and Grace... Two terms that carry such deep meaning. As I was pondering the past eight years with my beautiful wife these two words kept coming to mind. First, there is a big difference between mercy and grace (forgive me if the following explanation is slightly flawed, it is simply how I differentiate the two).

1. Mercy - God's love manifest as saving us from what we deserve
2. Grace - God's love manifest as giving us that which we don't deserve

Obviously, using the two above definitions clarifies a significant difference between the two. For now I would like to focus on grace. In its simplest and most beautiful form, God's grace allows us to know Him as our Father, Savior, and God. But, God allows grace in our earthly lives as well. For me, God's grace has been manifest by blessing me with my beautiful wife. You know her quite well if you follow this blog and no further explanation is necessary. However, I would like to clarify.

I met Lauren many many years ago... I believe I was approximately 3 or 4 years old. She stole my heart from the moment I met her. Actually that didn't really happen until seventh grade. I remember sitting with my family in church and watching her sit down with her family. She was wearing a red dress and I was smitten. I actually believe I loved her at that moment as much as any seventh grade boy can love a seventh grade girl. Her feelings were not reciprocated until much later after many failed attempts at wooing her. However, she did eventually give in to my unceasing attention (first example of God's grace).

The rest of our time in high school was fairly storybook and quite sickening. She won homecoming queen and friendliest. I won most likely to date a girl way out of my league. The dream continued into college. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at things), I grew further away from God while she grew closer to him. Eventually this led to the demise of our relationship and was one of God's final steps in breaking me (actually God continues to break me, but he was using excessive force at this time ;).

During this period of getting broke, I lost my scholarship, damaged relationships with many of my close friends, and lost the vision of my purpose in life. However, losing Lauren was by far the most gaping and agonizing void. For the next two years I wrestled with God and my relationship with him. As I began to loosen my grip on the desires of this world, He let his grace begin to pour back into my life.

To make a really long story shorter, God mended the broken relationships, returned my scholarship, and granted me much clearer vision than I could ever deserve. And, yes, as you may have guessed, He allowed Lauren to come back into my life (God's grace #2). We have now been married for eight years and they have truly been the greatest years of my life. We have two precious daughters (God's amazing grace #3 and #4) and many amazing adventures to come.

Anybody who has had the privilege to know Lauren deeply understands just how blessed I am. First, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever known, but her beauty grows deeper beneath the surface. Her heart is warm and unfailingly dedicated to her family. She loves deeper than any human being I know. Second, she wants to suck the marrow out of life. God has blessed me with a partner who wishes to live this earthly life to its absolute fullest. What more can anyone ask for? Finally, I know that she loves our Father in heaven more than she loves me. This is the cornerstone of our marriage and our family.

Thank you Lord Jesus for your grace. You have poured your grace out abundantly upon me and I am overwhelmed! Thank you for my sweet precious Lauren. Thank you for the past and for the hope for the future. My heart yearns to grow old with my precious wife, but I will take each every moment with her as a precious example of God's unfailing grace.

I love you Lauren. You are the ultimate and constant reminder of how truly blessed I am.

- John

He will fight for you....

i've always wanted a life verse... it needed to be all encompassing. say everything about the love i have for Jesus and the love He has for me, the sacrifice He made for me, etc....a lot to cover. also, you can't use someone else's life verse, especially if they are a family member or close friend so that knocked out a bunch. well, in the past 2 weeks the Lord has shown me a verse that has spoken volumes to my heart and soul...

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

this verse is tucked in a among lots of others describing the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt, and right before they crossed the parted Red Sea. a story i've heard and read a MILLION times, but i honestly could not remember ever noticing this little verse packed full of power. during vbs, i taught 3/4 year olds and this story was the first one we shared for the week and the kids were completely stuck on it. no matter how many days went by or stories were told, they always came back to this one. then, i started a summer Bible study with several other girls and this verse was highlighted during the first week. i think the Lord is trying to tell me something :)